Profile

I am autistic. I was always a quiet kid and I rarely expressed myself. When I did, I quickly learnt that my interests were not important to other people, but my time was, so I stopped taking the time to do things for myself. That’s not a good way to make friends though. All my friends are imaginary, true friendships with people I have imagined or imagined friendships with real people. There are many who think of me as a friend, but they don’t really know me. My parents don’t even know my name; I haven’t told them because I don’t want to hear them say it. I don’t talk much about my personal life, and that is okay because I haven’t felt like a person in a long time. I would like to make friends, but I avoid such opportunities because I know I will not be honest with them and I have enough false relationships to maintain already. Perhaps when I am free of all these masks I will feel like a real human being.

My mind brings out the worst in me. It’s quite difficult to control and most of the time it feels like it is just trying to hurt me. For many years I tried to punish myself for what my mind did to me, but eventually I realized that that didn’t do anything except make people stare. Since last year I’ve been trying to reward myself more and I’ve been feeling better about myself this year than in any other.

My hobbies include filling in surveys I find on Reddit and watching one TV series repeatedly.

Sorry to anyone who reads this rot.