Profile

Growing up, I witnessed a lot of instability at home between financial troubles as I got older and domestic violence between my parents since a toddler. This caused me to have a lot of emotional issues including anger as a child and then depression as a teen. Wanting to escape or understand my emotions sparked my interest in writing, so I started writing poetry and short stories. Creative outlets became a way to combat self harm thoughts (though not always successfully) so I just continued to dive more and more into arts.

It was a huge part of my life until my young adult years when I faced more trauma that left me feeling lost. I'm still struggling to get back into drawing and writing like I once voraciously did but I do have a new outlet in streaming and connecting with people that not only accept me as a streamer but that can relate with me in different ways.

Have discovered that my childhood trauma formed the foundation for Trauma based ADHD also has me realizing how some of my struggles and behaviors also link back to the trauma I'm working through now. I'm getting to rediscover myself and also grow more rather than feeling like I got stuck somewhere along the way or a lost kid in adult shoes. It's been hard, but I'm getting the help I need and building my supports. I have people who cheer me on rather than tear me down. I have professionals that take me seriously rather than brushing off my concerns. I have coworkers that help balance out my tendency to go between hyper fixated to scattered on projects while my boss also understands and helps support my building of skills to combat any issues from it. I am learning to accept myself as I am rather than constantly berating and feeling ashamed for not being normal or good enough.

Having found my supports to make a safety net of not just friends but professionals and coworkers and loved ones, even if they fill different spots, has been huge for me. It has not been an easy nor always fun path to my support tribe, but I'm so glad I had people along the way even if it was just one or two at a time that persuaded me to keep fighting, to keep living, to keep going, or even to just breathe so I wouldn't feel like I'm drowning as much.

I guess I say this all to say that it's so easy to underestimate how important just offering to sit with someone, not to fix or offer advice or anything, but just sit. And how much of a difference one person can make, sometimes literally between life and death even if they don't know it. And while it's not always easy to find and build up your village, your tribe? Once you start, it seems to find a way to grow itself or shine more. And I will forever be grateful for it and the leaps of courage and faith I took to get there because I knew I had a hand reaching out to catch me if I fell.

So thank you to my village. And thank you to those that tore me down. From all sides, I have learned. I have grown. I have crumbled. And I have rebuilt myself into someone I would have never thought possible. Thank you.